Heres Your Sign

Author : Bill Engvall
Publisher : Thomas Nelson
ISBN 13 : 1418530530
Total Pages : 161 pages
Book Rating : 4.32/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Here's Your Sign written by Bill Engvall and published by Thomas Nelson. This book was released on 2005-09-27 with total page 161 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Stupid people are everywhere! "Last summer," says Bill Engvall, "I got a flat tire and pulled into a gas station lot. The attendant walked out, looked at the tire, and asked, 'Tire go flat?' I kept a straight face and replied, 'No, I was driving down the road when all of a sudden those other three just swelled right up on me.' Without batting an eyelash, he nodded his head and said, 'Yep. The heat'll do that.' What else could I say? I just reached intomy briefcase and handed him his very own Stupid sign." For the first time in print, here are more than 200 classic "Here's Your Sign" jokes?along with silly product warnings and some favorite family stories. Bill's hilarious look at the ridiculous things people say and do will keep you laughing. I was carrying out a bag of garbage the other day and my neighbor yelled across the fence, "Are you taking out the trash?" I said, "No, I'm going to feed our pet rats." Here's your sign! After fishing with a buddy, we pulled our boat into the dock and lifted out this big string of fish. A guy on the dock asked, "Y'all catch all them fish?" I said, "Nope. We talked them into giving up." Here's your sign!

Author : Bill Engvall
Publisher : St. Martin's Press
ISBN 13 : 1429914246
Total Pages : 258 pages
Book Rating : 4.46/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Just a Guy written by Bill Engvall and published by St. Martin's Press. This book was released on 2007-05-29 with total page 258 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: What does it mean to be JUST A GUY? --A guy doesn't think before he speaks. --Eating and sleeping always come first. Always. --A guy may get married, but he doesn't have to like it. --It's tough to admit, but all guys are exactly the same. Blue Collar Comedy Star Bill Engvall is JUST A GUY. He's been one his whole life. He can't help it. He was born that way. And that makes him an expert on the subject. For the record, here's the official definition of a guy: A person who doesn't think before he speaks. He can't. He's not that deep. Because a guy has only three basic needs: eating, sleeping, and sex. That's it. JUST A GUY chronicles a lifetime in pursuit of those needs. In this hilarious and heartfelt memoir, Bill Engvall takes you on the rollicking ride of his life, beginning with his childhood in Texas and adolescence in Arizona, becoming a fixture in local emergency rooms, the result of massive amounts of non-thinking behavior trying to impress girls or torture his sisters; to high school in Dallas where he dabbled in an array of truly odd jobs, learned the trombone, and came of age, all strangely connected; to college and his tenure as his fraternity's social chairman, where he masterminded a series of legendary parties and attempted to rescue his pet bird while the house was burning down (not his fault, honest); to following his dream as a standup comic and, gulp, singer; to his brief stint in children's theater while sharing the stage and the back of a van with the director's dog, and as a movie extra with forked tongue and cloth claws; to his bumbling and riotous courtship, then marriage to Gail, the love of his life; and, finally, fatherhood, where he remains, to this day, a well-meaning, but flawed parent. Through it all, Bill gamely stumbles along, struggling to maintain a façade of confidence and control. Far from a superhero, Bill Engvall is an everyday Everyman, the poster boy for normal. The result is JUST A GUY who is disarming, perceptive, wildly funny, and unexpectedly moving. JUST A GUY will make you laugh out loud and tug at your heart. Hopefully, not at the same time.

Author : Trae Crowder
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1501160400
Total Pages : 352 pages
Book Rating : 4.00/5 ( download)

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Download or read book The Liberal Redneck Manifesto written by Trae Crowder and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2017-10-10 with total page 352 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "The Liberal Rednecks--a three-man stand-up comedy group doing scathing political satire--celebrate all that's good about the South while leading the Redneck Revolution and standing proudly blue in a sea of red. Smart, hilarious, and incisive, the Liberal Rednecks confront outdated traditions and intolerant attitudes, tackling everything people think they know about the South--the good, the bad, the glorious, and the shameful--in a laugh-out-loud funny and lively manifesto for the rise of a New South. Home to some of the best music, athletes, soldiers, whiskey, waffles, and weather the country has to offer, the South has also been bathing in backward bathroom bills and other bigoted legislation that Trae Crowder has targeted in his Liberal Redneck videos, which have gone viral with over 50 million views. Perfect for fans of Stuff White People Like and I Am America (And So Can You), The Liberal Redneck Manifesto skewers political and religious hypocrisies in witty stories and hilarious graphics--such as the Ten Commandments of the New South--and much more! While celebrating the South as one of the richest sources of American culture, this entertaining book issues a wake-up call and a reminder that the South's problems and dreams aren't that far off from the rest of America's"--

Author : Michelle Gish
Publisher : Quirk Books
ISBN 13 : 1683691210
Total Pages : 229 pages
Book Rating : 4.11/5 ( download)

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Download or read book We Are Here Forever written by Michelle Gish and published by Quirk Books. This book was released on 2019-07-30 with total page 229 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: It’s the most adorable apocalypse ever! Based on the popular webcomic, this all-new stand-alone comics collection artfully blends post-apocalyptic sci fi, dry humor, and utter adorability. The human race has vanished replaced by innocent, playful, creatures called the Puramus. In this hilarious and epic graphic novel, short interlocking stories follow the purple pals as they explore their new home, form a mini-monarchy, and develop a modern society on par with 21st-century humans. A final act pulls us across time and space in the search for clues to the origins of the Puramus. Along the way, humor and intrigue abound: Can King defend his village when nobody understands what war is? Will Jingle work up the nerve to read her poetry at open mic night? Will Puffpuff ever stop floating? Based on the webcomic, We Are Here Forever is for fans of post-apocalyptic sci fi blended with dry humor and undeniable adorableness. Colorful and cartoony art will have you rooting for these cute critters through their absurd adventures...but are they really as harmless as they seem?

Author : Perfection Learning Corporation
Publisher : Turtleback
ISBN 13 : 9781663608192
Total Pages : pages
Book Rating : 4.99/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Last Lecture written by Perfection Learning Corporation and published by Turtleback. This book was released on 2019 with total page pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

Author : J. K. Rowling
Publisher : Little, Brown
ISBN 13 : 0316228559
Total Pages : 512 pages
Book Rating : 4.58/5 ( download)

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Download or read book The Casual Vacancy written by J. K. Rowling and published by Little, Brown. This book was released on 2012-09-27 with total page 512 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A big novel about a small town... When Barry Fairbrother dies in his early forties, the town of Pagford is left in shock. Pagford is, seemingly, an English idyll, with a cobbled market square and an ancient abbey, but what lies behind the pretty façade is a town at war. Rich at war with poor, teenagers at war with their parents, wives at war with their husbands, teachers at war with their pupils...Pagford is not what it first seems. And the empty seat left by Barry on the parish council soon becomes the catalyst for the biggest war the town has yet seen. Who will triumph in an election fraught with passion, duplicity, and unexpected revelations? A big novel about a small town, The Casual Vacancy is J.K. Rowling's first novel for adults. It is the work of a storyteller like no other.

Author : Alyssa Mastromonaco
Publisher : Twelve
ISBN 13 : 1538731541
Total Pages : 240 pages
Book Rating : 4.43/5 ( download)

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Download or read book So Here's the Thing . . . written by Alyssa Mastromonaco and published by Twelve. This book was released on 2019-03-05 with total page 240 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the New York Times bestselling author of Who Thought This Was a Good Idea? comes a fun, frank book of reflections, essays, and interviews on topics important to young women, ranging from politics and career to motherhood, sisterhood, and making and sustaining relationships of all kinds in the age of social media. Alyssa Mastromonaco is back with a bold, no-nonsense, and no-holds-barred twenty-first-century girl's guide to life, tackling the highs and lows of bodies, politics, relationships, moms, education, life on the internet, and pop culture. Whether discussing Barbra Streisand or The Bachelor, working in the West Wing or working on finding a wing woman, Alyssa leaves no stone unturned...and no awkward situation unexamined. Like her bestseller Who Thought This Was a Good Idea?, SO HERE'S THE THING... brings a sharp eye and outsize sense of humor to the myriad issues facing women the world over, both in and out of the workplace. Along with Alyssa's personal experiences and hard-won life lessons, interviews with women like Monica Lewinsky, Susan Rice, and Chelsea Handler round out this modern woman's guide to, well, just about everything you can think of.

Author : Dave Hollis
Publisher : Thomas Nelson
ISBN 13 : 1400231760
Total Pages : 36 pages
Book Rating : 4.68/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Here's to Your Dreams! written by Dave Hollis and published by Thomas Nelson. This book was released on 2022-11-08 with total page 36 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In this adventure picture book that reinforces a child's self-esteem, father of four and New York Times bestselling author Dave Hollis draws on the themes of his popular video series "Teatime with Noah" to help kids believe in themselves, have courage, and chase after their dreams. The story begins with one of Daddy and Noah's beloved father-daughter tea parties, as Daddy encourages young Noah to follow her dreams. Young readers will delight to see the tea party transform into a fantastical adventure as Noah discovers that she wants to be a ship captain. But soon everything goes wrong. Noah doesn't know how to be a captain, and she doesn't even have a ship! When she starts to build her own, things go from bad to worse. Through each hardship, Daddy guides Noah, empowering her to ride the waves of life with courage. With vivid illustrations from Arief Putra and whimsical rhymes, Here's to Your Dreams! Is for ages 4 to 8 Encourages children to explore their own interests, pursue their dreams, and overcome obstacles Is a conversation-starter for topics such as self-esteem, bravery, and personal growth Is perfect for creating special daddy-daughter moments Is a great gift for birthdays, baby showers, adoption parties, gender reveal parties, and Father's Day With a fun and entertaining style, Dave Hollis tells a rollicking adventure story that encourages boys and girls to believe in themselves, not be afraid to make mistakes, and use their gifts--because nothing is out of their reach.

Author : Roxanna Elden
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1982135034
Total Pages : 400 pages
Book Rating : 4.34/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Adequate Yearly Progress written by Roxanna Elden and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2020-02-11 with total page 400 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A debut novel told with humor, intelligence, and heart, a “funny but insightful look at teachers in the workplace…reminiscent of the TV show The Office but set in an urban high school” (The Washington Post), perfect for fans of Tom Perrotta and Laurie Gelman. Roxanna Elden’s “laugh-out-loud funny satire” (Forbes) is a brilliantly entertaining and moving look at our education system. Each new school year brings familiar challenges to Brae Hill Valley, a struggling high school in one the biggest cities in Texas. But the teachers also face plenty of personal challenges and this year, they may finally spill over into the classroom. English teacher Lena Wright, a spoken-word poet, can never seem to truly connect with her students. Hernan D. Hernandez is confident in front of his biology classes, but tongue-tied around the woman he most wants to impress. Down the hall, math teacher Maybelline Galang focuses on the numbers as she struggles to parent her daughter, while Coach Ray hustles his troubled football team toward another winning season. Recording it all is idealistic second-year history teacher Kaytee Mahoney, whose anonymous blog gains new readers by the day as it drifts ever further from her in-class reality. And this year, a new superintendent is determined to leave his own mark on the school—even if that means shutting the whole place down.

Author : Kellyanne Conway
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1982187360
Total Pages : 512 pages
Book Rating : 4.61/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Here's the Deal written by Kellyanne Conway and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2022-05-24 with total page 512 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Among the Trump era’s savviest insiders, one name stands especially tall: Kellyanne. As a highly respected pollster for corporate and Republican clients and a frequent television talk show guest, Kellyanne Conway had already established herself as one of the brightest lights on the national political scene when Donald Trump asked her to run his presidential campaign. She agreed, delivering him to the White House, becoming the first woman in American history to manage a winning presidential campaign, and changing the American landscape forever. Who she is, how she did it, and who tried to stop her is a fascinating story of personal triumph and political intrigue that has never been told…until now. In Here’s The Deal, Kellyanne takes you on a journey all the way to the White House and beyond with her trademark sharp wit, raw honesty, and level eye. It’s all here: what it’s like to be dissected on national television. How to outsmart the media mob. How to outclass the crazy critics. How to survive and succeed male-dominated industries. What happens when the perils of social media really hit home. And what happens when the divisions across the country start playing out in one’s own family. In this open and vulnerable account, Kellyanne turns the camera on herself. What she has to share—about our politics, about the media, about her time in the White House, and about her personal journey—is an astonishing glimpse of visibility and vulnerability, of professional and personal highs and lows, and ultimately, of triumph.