Not Taco Bell Material

Author : Adam Carolla
Publisher : Crown
ISBN 13 : 0307888886
Total Pages : 338 pages
Book Rating : 4.84/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Not Taco Bell Material written by Adam Carolla and published by Crown. This book was released on 2013-04-16 with total page 338 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Now in paperback, Adam Carolla takes us back--before Loveline and The Man Show, before the Guinness World Record-breaking podcast and the New York Times bestseller In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks--to reveal all the stories behind how he came to be the angry middle-aged man he is today. Funnyman Adam Carolla is known for two things: hilarious rants about things that drive him crazy and personal stories about everything from his hardscrabble childhood to his slacker friends to the hypocrisy of Hollywood. He tackled rants in his first book, and now he tells his best stories, debuting some never-before-heard tales as well. Organized by the myriad "dumps" Carolla called home as a child to the flophouse apartments he rented in his twenties, up to the homes he personally renovated after achieving success in Hollywood, the anecdotes here follow Adam's journey and the hilarious pitfalls along the way. Adam Carolla started broke and blue collar and has now been on the Hollywood scene for more than fifteen years. Yet he's still connected to the working-class guy he once was and delivers a raw and edgy, fish-out-of-water take on the world he lives in (but mostly disagrees with), telling all the stories, no matter who he offends--family, friends, or the famous.

Author : Adam Carolla
Publisher : Crown
ISBN 13 : 0307717380
Total Pages : 274 pages
Book Rating : 4.82/5 ( download)

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Download or read book In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks written by Adam Carolla and published by Crown. This book was released on 2011-05-17 with total page 274 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar. It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills. He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID. At first the old sea captain just laughed. But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again. At this point it became apparent that he was serious. Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, "You've got to be kidding me, son." The bartender replied, "New policy. Everyone has to show their ID." Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II. It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back. In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past—Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire.

Author : Adam Carolla
Publisher : HarperCollins
ISBN 13 : 0062394274
Total Pages : 229 pages
Book Rating : 4.79/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Daddy, Stop Talking! written by Adam Carolla and published by HarperCollins. This book was released on 2015-05-26 with total page 229 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Last Will & Testament of Adam Carolla I, Adam Carolla, being of beaten-down mind, declare this to be my Last Will and Testament. I revoke all wills and addendums previously made by me. (You guys never did listen, anyway.) Article I I appoint the rest of the world's unappreciated dads as Personal Representatives to administer this Will. I bequeath to them the right to crack a couple cold ones in the garage after working their asses off all week and ask that they be permitted to watch all the porn they like and not have to change diapers and get dragged to every preschool "graduation" and PTA meeting. Article II To my wife, I leave a safe-deposit box, the sole content of which is a note reading "Get a job. I'm dead," and my best wishes on trying to keep up with the unending demands of our houses, cars, dog, and kids. Article III I devise, bequeath, and give my kids this book, Daddy, Stop Talking. Since you guys were the death of me, I leave you these pages of wisdom. But no cash, cars, or property. You've got to earn those. On that note, I further demand that the following message be placed on the marker of my grave: "You're All on Your Own Now. Enjoy."

Author : Adam Carolla
Publisher : Crown
ISBN 13 : 0307888886
Total Pages : 338 pages
Book Rating : 4.84/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Not Taco Bell Material written by Adam Carolla and published by Crown. This book was released on 2013-04-16 with total page 338 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Now in paperback, Adam Carolla takes us back--before Loveline and The Man Show, before the Guinness World Record-breaking podcast and the New York Times bestseller In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks--to reveal all the stories behind how he came to be the angry middle-aged man he is today. Funnyman Adam Carolla is known for two things: hilarious rants about things that drive him crazy and personal stories about everything from his hardscrabble childhood to his slacker friends to the hypocrisy of Hollywood. He tackled rants in his first book, and now he tells his best stories, debuting some never-before-heard tales as well. Organized by the myriad "dumps" Carolla called home as a child to the flophouse apartments he rented in his twenties, up to the homes he personally renovated after achieving success in Hollywood, the anecdotes here follow Adam's journey and the hilarious pitfalls along the way. Adam Carolla started broke and blue collar and has now been on the Hollywood scene for more than fifteen years. Yet he's still connected to the working-class guy he once was and delivers a raw and edgy, fish-out-of-water take on the world he lives in (but mostly disagrees with), telling all the stories, no matter who he offends--family, friends, or the famous.

Author : Adam Carolla
Publisher : Harper Collins
ISBN 13 : 0062320424
Total Pages : 288 pages
Book Rating : 4.21/5 ( download)

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Download or read book President Me written by Adam Carolla and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2014-05-13 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: My fellow Americans, President John F. Kennedy once famously said, "Hey, is that blond intern eighteen yet?" He also said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." We've changed a lot since JFK asked us all to pitch in. We've become a nation of narcissistic, yoga-mat-toting, service-dog-having, absentee dads and gluten-free, hand-wringing, hypochondriac moms of overcaffeinated (yet somehow still lazy) twerking tweens. And our government is an inept bureaucracy incapable of doing anything except getting in our wallets and in our way. We've got to get it together, America. That is why I, Adam Carolla, hereby declare myself Candidate Carolla. The tome you hold in your hands is a statement of my intent to whip our country back into fighting shape, to eliminate the "what are you going to do for me?" mentality that has invaded our country. President Me is my manifesto, my vision for a better place . . . free of Big Government, barefoot fliers, lazy hipsters who'd rather "Occupy" than work, and the other things that are bringing our country down. With my cabinet appointees, my list of worthy and necessary presidential ManDates, and tons of great ideas for fixing our health care, education, energy, and even national parks systems . . . behold an America we can be proud of. The America I see in my head. You're welcome in advance. Your future leader, Adam

Author : Adam Carolla
Publisher : Crown/Archetype
ISBN 13 : 0307987361
Total Pages : 73 pages
Book Rating : 4.65/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Rich Man Poor Man written by Adam Carolla and published by Crown/Archetype. This book was released on 2012-01-17 with total page 73 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: If you turn on the evening news or listen to NPR you’ll be bombarded with a non-stop parade of commentators pontificating on the ever expanding gap between the rich and the poor. But is the chasm really that wide? In Rich Man Poor Man, comedian and bestselling author Adam Carolla exposes the phenomena that are embraced by the really rich and the really poor--but never the middle class--like having an outdoor shower, wearing your pajamas all day, or always having your dog with you. Combining Adam's inimitable comedic voice and four-color illustrations by his friend Michael Narren, Rich Man Poor Man is a hilariously accurate look at what the people born with silver spoons in their mouths have in common with the people whose only utensils are plastic sporks stolen from a Shakey's.

Author : Tom Segura
Publisher : Hachette UK
ISBN 13 : 1538704625
Total Pages : 205 pages
Book Rating : 4.22/5 ( download)

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Download or read book I'd Like to Play Alone, Please written by Tom Segura and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2022-06-14 with total page 205 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A #2 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER From a massively successful stand-up comedian and co-host of chart-topping podcasts “2 Bears 1 Cave” and “Your Mom’s House,” hilarious real-life stories of parenting, celebrity encounters, youthful mistakes, misanthropy, and so much more. Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It’s not that he hates his friends and family — he’s not a monster — he’s just beat, which is why his son’s (ruthless) first full sentence, “I’d like to play alone, please,” has since become his mantra. In this collection of stories, Tom combines his signature curmudgeonly humor with a revealing look at some of the ridiculous situations that shaped him and the ludicrous characters who always seem to seek him out. The stories feature hilarious anecdotes about Tom's time on the road, including some surreal encounters with celebrities at airports; his unfiltered South American family; the trials and tribulations of parenting young children with bizarrely morbid interests; and, perhaps most memorably, experiences with his dad who, like any good Baby Boomer father, loves to talk about his bowel movements and share graphic Vietnam stories at inappropriate moments. All of this is enough to make anyone want some peace and quiet. I’D LIKE TO PLAY ALONE, PLEASE will have readers laughing out loud and nodding in agreement with Segura's message: in a world where everyone is increasingly insane, sometimes you just need to be alone.

Author : Jane Borden
Publisher : Crown
ISBN 13 : 0307464644
Total Pages : 242 pages
Book Rating : 4.44/5 ( download)

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Download or read book I Totally Meant to Do That written by Jane Borden and published by Crown. This book was released on 2011-03-01 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Jane Borden is a hybrid too horrifying to exist: a hipster-debutante. She was reared in a propert Southern home in Greensboro, North Carolina, sent to boarding school in Virginia, and then went on to join a sorority in Chapel Hill. She next moved to New York and discovered that none of this grooming meant a lick to anyone. In fact, she hid her upbringing for many years--it was easier than explaining what a debutante "does" (the short answer: not much). Anyone who has moved away from home or lived in (or dreamed of living in) New York will appreciate the hilarity of Jane's musings on the intersections of and altercations between Southern hospitality and Gotham cool.

Author : Patrick F. McManus
Publisher : Holt Paperbacks
ISBN 13 : 1466809523
Total Pages : 240 pages
Book Rating : 4.29/5 ( download)

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Download or read book They Shoot Canoes, Don't They? written by Patrick F. McManus and published by Holt Paperbacks. This book was released on 1982-09-15 with total page 240 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: With tongue pressed firmly in cheek and a gentle but penetrating eye for human foibles, Patrick F. McManus celebrates the hidden pleasures, unappreciated lore, and opportunities for disaster to be found in the recreations of camping, hunting, and fishing in his hilarious collection They Shoot Canoes, Don’t They? Gathered here for the reader’s edification are such treasures as the true but little known story of the discovery of the efficacy of live bait by Genghis Khan’s chef, an examination of the precarious and perhaps fanatical expertise required for ice fishing, and a consideration of the circumstances that can cause a deer to ride a bicycle. Among additional topics explored are The Crouch Hop and Other Useful Outdoor Steps, The Sensuous Angler, and Psychic Powers for Outdoorsmen. Included, too, is The Hunter’s Dictionary, an invaluable lexicon that helps the novice sportsman understand such arcane terminology as “Ooooooeee-ah-ah-ah! (If there’s one thing I hate, it’s putting on cold, wet pants in the morning)” and “Baff mast pime ig bead feas mid miff pife! (That’s the last time I try to eat peas in the dark with my hunting knife!)” The author’s appreciation of outdoor life began in his early boyhood, when he absorbed a wealth of improbable information imparted by the old woodsman Rancid Crabtree, “who bathed only on leap years.” Young McManus also enjoyed special adventures with his ill-remembered sidekick, Retch Sweeney, and another boon companion of days gone by, the loquacious family dog, Strange, whose exploits as a hunter were limited to assaulting stray chickens and on one memorable occasion a skunk. “McManus here follows up A Fine and Pleasant Misery with a collection of sketches that launches him into the front ranks of outdoor humorists.”—Library Journal

Author : Monica Huerta
Publisher : Duke University Press
ISBN 13 : 1478021489
Total Pages : 195 pages
Book Rating : 4.83/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Magical Habits written by Monica Huerta and published by Duke University Press. This book was released on 2021-06-28 with total page 195 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In Magical Habits Monica Huerta draws on her experiences growing up in her family's Mexican restaurants and her life as a scholar of literature and culture to meditate on how relationships among self, place, race, and storytelling contend with both the afterlives of history and racial capitalism. Whether dwelling on mundane aspects of everyday life, such as the smell of old kitchen grease, or grappling with the thorny, unsatisfying question of authenticity, Huerta stages a dynamic conversation among genres, voices, and archives: personal and critical essays exist alongside a fairy tale; photographs and restaurant menus complement fictional monologues based on her family's history. Developing a new mode of criticism through storytelling, Huerta takes readers through Cook County courtrooms, the Cristero Rebellion (in which her great-grandfather was martyred by the Mexican government), Japanese baths in San Francisco—and a little bit about Chaucer too. Ultimately, Huerta sketches out habits of living while thinking that allow us to consider what it means to live with and try to peer beyond history even as we are caught up in the middle of it. Duke University Press Scholars of Color First Book Award recipient