Fat White Vampire Blues

Author : Andrew Fox
Publisher : Ballantine Books
ISBN 13 : 0345464443
Total Pages : 354 pages
Book Rating : 4.46/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Fat White Vampire Blues written by Andrew Fox and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 2003-07-01 with total page 354 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: He’s undead, overweight, and can’t get a date Vampire, nosferatu, creature of the night—whatever you call him—Jules Duchon has lived (so to speak) in New Orleans far longer than there have been drunk coeds on Bourbon Street. Weighing in at a whopping four hundred and fifty pounds, swelled up on the sweet, rich blood of people who consume the fattiest diet in the world, Jules is thankful he can’t see his reflection in a mirror. When he turns into a bat, he can’t get his big ol’ butt off the ground. What’s worse, after more than a century of being undead, he’s watched his neighborhood truly go to hell—and now, a new vampire is looking to drive him out altogether. See, Jules had always been an equal opportunity kind of vampire. And while he would admit that the blood of a black woman is sweeter than the blood of a white man, Jules never drank more than his fair share of either. Enter Malice X . Young, cocky, and black, Malice warns Jules that his days of feasting on sisters and brothers are over. He tells Jules he’d better confine himself to white victims—or else face the consequences. And then, just to prove he isn’t kidding, Malice burns Jules’s house to the ground. With the help of Maureen, the morbidly obese, stripper-vampire who made him, and Doodlebug, an undead cross-dresser who (literally) flies in from the coast—Jules must find a way to contend with the hurdles that life throws at him . . . without getting a stake through the heart. It’s enough to give a man the blues.

Author : Andrew Fox
Publisher : National Geographic Books
ISBN 13 : 0345463331
Total Pages : 0 pages
Book Rating : 4.33/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Fat White Vampire Blues written by Andrew Fox and published by National Geographic Books. This book was released on 2003-07-01 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: He’s undead, overweight, and can’t get a date Vampire, nosferatu, creature of the night—whatever you call him—Jules Duchon has lived (so to speak) in New Orleans far longer than there have been drunk coeds on Bourbon Street. Weighing in at a whopping four hundred and fifty pounds, swelled up on the sweet, rich blood of people who consume the fattiest diet in the world, Jules is thankful he can’t see his reflection in a mirror. When he turns into a bat, he can’t get his big ol’ butt off the ground. What’s worse, after more than a century of being undead, he’s watched his neighborhood truly go to hell—and now, a new vampire is looking to drive him out altogether. See, Jules had always been an equal opportunity kind of vampire. And while he would admit that the blood of a black woman is sweeter than the blood of a white man, Jules never drank more than his fair share of either. Enter Malice X . Young, cocky, and black, Malice warns Jules that his days of feasting on sisters and brothers are over. He tells Jules he’d better confine himself to white victims—or else face the consequences. And then, just to prove he isn’t kidding, Malice burns Jules’s house to the ground. With the help of Maureen, the morbidly obese, stripper-vampire who made him, and Doodlebug, an undead cross-dresser who (literally) flies in from the coast—Jules must find a way to contend with the hurdles that life throws at him . . . without getting a stake through the heart. It’s enough to give a man the blues.

Author : Andrew Fox
Publisher : National Geographic Books
ISBN 13 : 0345464087
Total Pages : 0 pages
Book Rating : 4.88/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Bride of the Fat White Vampire written by Andrew Fox and published by National Geographic Books. This book was released on 2004-08-03 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: After morphing into 187 very large white rats in the name of self-preservation, Jules Duchon is back to his portly self, a member of that secret class of New Orleans citizens known as the undead. Though he would like nothing better than to spend his nights raising hell and biting flesh in his beloved French Quarter, duty calls when an exclusive club of blue blood vampires demands that the 450-pound cabbie find out who is attacking its young and beautiful members. Adding insult to injury, he has to enlist the help of a former foe: a black vampire named Preston. What’s a vampire to do? Without the love of a woman to ease his pain, Jules isn’t convinced that his undead life is worth living. He doesn’t desire Doodlebug (she may be a woman now but Jules knew her back when she was just a boy) any more than he longs for Daphne, a rat catcher who nourishes a crush the size of Jules. No, only Maureen will do. Once a beautiful stripper with nothing but curve after curve to her bodacious body, now she is mere dust in a jar. But Jules will move heaven and earth to get her back . . . even if it means pulling her back from the dead.

Author : Adam Rex
Publisher : Harper Collins
ISBN 13 : 0061920924
Total Pages : 336 pages
Book Rating : 4.29/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Fat Vampire written by Adam Rex and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2011-07-26 with total page 336 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Doug Lee is undead quite by accident—attacked by a desperate vampire, he finds himself cursed with being fat and fifteen forever. When he has no luck finding some goth chick with a vampire fetish, he resorts to sucking the blood of cows under cover of the night. But it’s just not the same. Then he meets the new Indian exchange student and falls for her—hard. Yeah, he wants to bite her, but he also wants to prove himself to her. But like the laws of life, love, and high school, the laws of vampire existence are complicated—it’s not as easy as studying Dracula. Especially when the star of Vampire Hunters is hot on your trail in an attempt to boost ratings. . . . Searing, hilarious, and always unexpected, Fat Vampire is a satirical tour de force from one of the most original writers of fiction today.

Author : Andrew Fox
Publisher :
ISBN 13 : 9780692225431
Total Pages : pages
Book Rating : 4.39/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Fat White Vampire Otaku written by Andrew Fox and published by . This book was released on 2021-04-12 with total page pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The long awaited third installment in the Fat White Vampire series of humorous horror novels. Jules Duchon and his vampiric family suffer through the ravages of Hurricane Antonia and struggle to survive in a New Orleans which is almost entirely depopulated. Where will they get their blood? Salvation comes from the most unlikely source possible - a trio of Japanese superheroes called Bonsai Master, Anime Girl, and Cutie-Scary Man. Yet that salvation comes with a terrifying but laugh-inducing price? the blood which the three superheroes donate has unpredictable effects on Jules and his family. Chaos ensues as Jules is transformed into a seven-foot-tall white rabbit, his wife Maureen puts on three hundred pounds, and his mother Edna becomes a vicious human/vampire vacuum cleaner!

Author : Andrew Fox
Publisher : Ballantine Books
ISBN 13 : 0345478614
Total Pages : 450 pages
Book Rating : 4.10/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Bride of the Fat White Vampire written by Andrew Fox and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 2004-08-03 with total page 450 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: After morphing into 187 very large white rats in the name of self-preservation, Jules Duchon is back to his portly self, a member of that secret class of New Orleans citizens known as the undead. Though he would like nothing better than to spend his nights raising hell and biting flesh in his beloved French Quarter, duty calls when an exclusive club of blue blood vampires demands that the 450-pound cabbie find out who is attacking its young and beautiful members. Adding insult to injury, he has to enlist the help of a former foe: a black vampire named Preston. What’s a vampire to do? Without the love of a woman to ease his pain, Jules isn’t convinced that his undead life is worth living. He doesn’t desire Doodlebug (she may be a woman now but Jules knew her back when she was just a boy) any more than he longs for Daphne, a rat catcher who nourishes a crush the size of Jules. No, only Maureen will do. Once a beautiful stripper with nothing but curve after curve to her bodacious body, now she is mere dust in a jar. But Jules will move heaven and earth to get her back . . . even if it means pulling her back from the dead.

Author : Doug Dorst
Publisher : Penguin
ISBN 13 : 1101014946
Total Pages : 448 pages
Book Rating : 4.43/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Alive in Necropolis written by Doug Dorst and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2008-07-17 with total page 448 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A "dark and funny debut"(Seattle-Times) about a young police officer struggling to maintain a sense of reality in a town where the dead outnumber the living. Colma, California, the "cemetery city" serving San Francisco, is the resting place of the likes of Joe DiMaggio, Wyatt Earp, and William Randolph Hearst. It is also the home of Michael Mercer, a by-the-book rookie cop struggling to settle comfortably into adult life. Instead, he becomes obsessed with the mysterious fate of his predecessor, Sergeant Wes Featherstone, who spent his last years policing the dead as well as the living. As Mercer attempts to navigate the drama of his own daily life, his own grip on reality starts to slip-either that, or Colma's more famous residents are not resting in peace as they should be.

Author : John Conroe
Publisher : Lulu.com
ISBN 13 : 0557384737
Total Pages : 340 pages
Book Rating : 4.30/5 ( download)

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Download or read book God Touched written by John Conroe and published by Lulu.com. This book was released on 2010-04-16 with total page 340 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Chris Gordon is a rookie cop in the Big Apple with an interesting sideline - hunting demons.But after rescuing a beautiful girl from a demonic attack, he finds life stranger than he ever thought possible. Vampires, werewolves, shadowy federal agencies and a giant short-faced bear. And it's not even Halloween yet.

Author : Judy Blume
Publisher : Penguin
ISBN 13 : 1101564075
Total Pages : 144 pages
Book Rating : 4.73/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing written by Judy Blume and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2011-12-01 with total page 144 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Living with his little brother, Fudge, makes Peter Hatcher feel like a fourth grade nothing. Whether Fudge is throwing a temper tantrum in a shoe store, smearing smashed potatoes on walls at Hamburger Heaven, or scribbling all over Peter's homework, he's never far from trouble. He's a two-year-old terror who gets away with everything—and Peter's had enough. When Fudge walks off with Dribble, Peter's pet turtle, it's the last straw. Peter has put up with Fudge too long. How can he get his parents to pay attention to him for a change?

Author : Seth Grahame-Smith
Publisher : Grand Central Publishing
ISBN 13 : 9780446571852
Total Pages : 352 pages
Book Rating : 4.57/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter written by Seth Grahame-Smith and published by Grand Central Publishing. This book was released on 2010-03-02 with total page 352 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Indiana, 1818. Moonlight falls through the dense woods that surround a one-room cabin, where a nine-year-old Abraham Lincoln kneels at his suffering mother's bedside. She's been stricken with something the old-timers call "Milk Sickness." "My baby boy..." she whispers before dying. Only later will the grieving Abe learn that his mother's fatal affliction was actually the work of a vampire. When the truth becomes known to young Lincoln, he writes in his journal, "henceforth my life shall be one of rigorous study and devotion. I shall become a master of mind and body. And this mastery shall have but one purpose..." Gifted with his legendary height, strength, and skill with an ax, Abe sets out on a path of vengeance that will lead him all the way to the White House. While Abraham Lincoln is widely lauded for saving a Union and freeing millions of slaves, his valiant fight against the forces of the undead has remained in the shadows for hundreds of years. That is, until Seth Grahame-Smith stumbled upon The Secret Journal of Abraham Lincoln, and became the first living person to lay eyes on it in more than 140 years. Using the journal as his guide and writing in the grand biographical style of Doris Kearns Goodwin and David McCullough, Seth has reconstructed the true life story of our greatest president for the first time-all while revealing the hidden history behind the Civil War and uncovering the role vampires played in the birth, growth, and near-death of our nation.