The Best Ever Book Of Umpire Jokes

Author : Mark Geoffrey Young
Publisher : CreateSpace
ISBN 13 : 9781475119954
Total Pages : 106 pages
Book Rating : 4.5X/5 ( download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Download or read book The Best Ever Book of Umpire Jokes written by Mark Geoffrey Young and published by CreateSpace. This book was released on 2012-03-29 with total page 106 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: If you've ever heard a Jewish, Italian, Libyan, Catholic, Irish, Mexican, Polish, Belgian, Norwegian, or an Essex Girl, Newfie, Mother-in-Law, or joke aimed at a minority, this book of Umpire jokes is for you. In this not-so-original book, The Best Ever Book of Umpire Jokes; Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who, Mark Young takes a whole lot of tired, worn out jokes and makes them funny again. The Best Ever Book of Umpire Jokes is so unoriginal; it's original. And, if you don't burst out laughing from at least one Umpire joke in this book, there's something wrong with you. This book has so many Umpire jokes; you won't know where to start. For example: Why do Umpires wear slip-on shoes? You need an IQ of at least 4 to tie a shoelace. *** An evil genie captured an Umpire and her two friends and banished them to the desert for a week. The genie allowed each person to bring one thing. The first friend brought a canteen so he wouldn't die of thirst. The second friend brought an umbrella to keep the sun off. The Umpire brought a car door, because if it got too hot she could just roll down the window! *** Did you hear about the Umpire who wore two jackets when she painted the house? The instructions on the can said: "Put on two coats." *** Why do Umpires laugh three times when they hear a joke? Once when it is told, once when it is explained to them, and once when they understand it.

Author : Doug Harvey
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1476748810
Total Pages : 288 pages
Book Rating : 4.18/5 ( download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Download or read book They Called Me God written by Doug Harvey and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2014-03-25 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The incredible memoir from the man voted one of the “Best Umpires of All Time” by the Society of American Baseball Research—filled with more than three decades of fascinating baseball stories. Doug Harvey was a California farm boy, a high school athlete who nevertheless knew that what he really wanted was to become an unsung hero—a major league umpire. Working his way through the minor leagues, earning three hundred dollars a month, he survived just about everything, even riots in stadiums in Puerto Rico. And while players and other umps hit the bars at night, Harvey memorized the rule book. In 1962, he broke into the big leagues and was soon listening to rookie Pete Rose worrying that he would be cut by the Reds and laying down the law with managers such as Tommy Lasorda and Joe Torre. This colorful memoir takes you behind the plate for some of baseball’s most memorable moments, including Roberto Clemente’s three thousandth and final hit; the heroic three-and-two pinch-hit home run by Kirk Gibson in the ’88 World Series; and the nail-biting excitement of the ’68 World Series. But beyond the drama, Harvey turned umpiring into an art. He was a man so respected, whose calls were so feared and infallible, that the players called him “God.” And through it all, he lived by three rules: never take anything from a player, never back down from a call, and never carry a grudge. A book for anyone who loves baseball, They Called Me God is a funny and fascinating tale of on- and off-the-field action, peopled by unforgettable characters from Bob Gibson to Nolan Ryan, and a treatise on good umpiring techniques. In a memoir that transcends the sport, Doug Harvey tells a gripping story of responsibility, fairness, and honesty.

Author : Ron Luciano
Publisher : Permuted Press
ISBN 13 : 1637583796
Total Pages : 225 pages
Book Rating : 4.91/5 ( download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Download or read book The Umpire Strikes Back written by Ron Luciano and published by Permuted Press. This book was released on 2022-04-26 with total page 225 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Here is Ron Luciano, the funniest ump ever to call balls and strikes. A huge and awesome legend who leaps and spins and shoots players with an index finger while screaming OUTOUTOUT!!! Now baseball's flamboyant fan-on-the-field comes out from behind the mask to call the game as he really sees it. There’s the day the automatic umpire debuted at home plate—and struck out. The time Rod Carew stole home twice in one inning, and Earl Weaver stole second base—and took it back to the dugout. The pitch Tommy John dropped on the mound, which Luciano called a strike. And there’s the fantastic phantom double play, the impossible frozen ice-ball theory, and, another first, Luciano picking Harmon Killebrew off second base. From brawls to catcalls, from dugout jokes to on-the-field pratfalls to one-of-a-kind conversations with baseball’s greats, Ron Luciano, the only umpire who confessed to missing calls, takes a few grand slam swings of his own. It is baseball at its best.

Author : Lee Gutkind
Publisher : Open Road Media
ISBN 13 : 1480471364
Total Pages : 283 pages
Book Rating : 4.68/5 ( download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Download or read book The Best Seat in Baseball, But You Have to Stand! written by Lee Gutkind and published by Open Road Media. This book was released on 2014-03-11 with total page 283 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: DIVDIVA fascinating and revealing look inside the lives of umpires, from the godfather of creative nonfiction/divDIV In 1974, Lee Gutkind walked into Shea Stadium, then home of the New York Mets, with an unusual proposal. He wanted to chronicle one of the least celebrated cadres in professional baseball: the umpires. Gutkind spent one exhilarating season traveling with the officiating crew he found that day—Doug Harvey, Nick Colosi, Harry Wendelstedt, and Art Williams, the first African American umpire in National League history. Gutkind’s narrative reveals much about the peculiarities of the men charged with the “thankless and impossible task of invoking order”—their work ethic, fallibility, and perhaps most strikingly, their pride./divDIV As resonant today as when it was first published, The Best Seat in Baseball, But You Have to Stand! is an engrossing story of the men who work on one of the nation’s biggest stages, their victories and their failures, and their inner worlds that are rarely—if ever—explored./divDIV/div/div

Author : Dale Scott
Publisher : U of Nebraska Press
ISBN 13 : 1496232054
Total Pages : 320 pages
Book Rating : 4.52/5 ( download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Download or read book The Umpire Is Out written by Dale Scott and published by U of Nebraska Press. This book was released on 2022-05 with total page 320 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Dale Scott’s career as a professional baseball umpire spanned nearly forty years, including thirty-three in the Major Leagues, from 1985 to 2017. He worked exactly a thousand games behind the plate, calling balls and strikes at the pinnacle of his profession, working in every Major League Baseball stadium, and interacting with dozens of other top-flight umpires, colorful managers, and hundreds of players, from future Hall of Famers to one-game wonders. Scott has enough stories about his career on the field to fill a dozen books, and there are plenty of those stories here. He’s not interested in settling scores, but throughout the book he’s honest about managers and players, some of whom weren’t always perfect gentlemen. But what makes Scott’s book truly different is his unique perspective as the only umpire in the history of professional baseball to come out as gay during his career. Granted, that was after decades of remaining in the closet, and Scott writes vividly and movingly about having to “play the game”: maintaining a facade of straightness while privately becoming his true self and building a lasting relationship with his future husband. He navigated this obstacle course at a time when his MLB career was just taking off—and when North America was consumed by the HIV/AIDS epidemic. Scott’s story isn’t only about his leading a sort of double life, then opening himself up to the world and discovering a new generosity of spirit. It’s also a baseball story, filled with insights and memorable anecdotes that come so naturally from someone who spent decades among the world’s greatest baseball players, managers, and games. Scott’s story is fascinating both for his umpiring career and for his being a pioneer for LGBTQ people within baseball and across sports.

Author : Doug Harvey
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1476748780
Total Pages : 288 pages
Book Rating : 4.88/5 ( download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Download or read book They Called Me God written by Doug Harvey and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2014-03-25 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The incredible memoir from the man voted one of the “Best Umpires of All Time” by the Society of American Baseball Research—filled with more than three decades of fascinating baseball stories. In the pageantry of baseball, one select group is virtually unknown in the outside world, derided by fans, faced with split-second choices that spell victory or defeat. These men are up-close observers of the action, privy to inside jokes, blood feuds, benches-clearing brawls, and managers’ expletive-filled tirades. In this wonderful memoir, Hall of Fame umpire Doug Harvey takes us within baseball as you’ve never seen it, with unforgettable inside stories of baseball greats such as Willie Mays, Sandy Koufax, and Whitey Herzog. Doug Harvey was a California farm boy, a high school athlete who nevertheless knew that what he really wanted was to become an unsung hero—a major league umpire. Working his way through the minor leagues, earning three hundred dollars a month, he survived just about everything, even riots in stadiums in Puerto Rico. And while players and other umps hit the bars at night, Harvey memorized the rule book. In 1962, he broke into the bigs and was soon listening to rookie Pete Rose worrying that he would be cut by the Reds and laying down the law with managers such as Tommy Lasorda and Joe Torre. This colorful memoir takes the reader behind the plate for some of baseball’s most memorable moments, including: · Roberto Clemente’s three thousandth and final hit · The “I don’t believe what I just saw” heroic three-and-two pinch-hit home run by Kirk Gibson in the ’88 World Series · The nail-biting excitement of the close-fought ’68 World Series, when Doug called St. Louis Cardinal Lou Brock out at home plate and turned the trajectory of the series But beyond the drama, Harvey turned umpiring into an art. He was a man so respected, whose calls were so feared and infallible, that the players called him God. And through it all, he lived by three rules: never take anything from a player, never back down from a call, and never carry a grudge. A book for anyone who loves baseball, They Called Me God is a funny and fascinating tale of on- and off-the-field action, peopled by unforgettable characters from Bob Gibson to Nolan Ryan, and a treatise on good umpiring techniques. In a memoir that transcends sport, Doug Harvey tells a gripping story of responsibility, fairness, and honesty.

Author : Ross MacPherson
Publisher : Vampire Umpire
ISBN 13 : 9781521586952
Total Pages : 388 pages
Book Rating : 4.50/5 ( download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Download or read book Vampire Umpire written by Ross MacPherson and published by Vampire Umpire. This book was released on 2017-06-25 with total page 388 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Vampire Umpire is a novel about a vampire who wishes to become an umpire, and the friendship he forms with a new and gifted tennis player he meets when he joins the tour. For a vampire to umpire, he must face seemingly insurmountable challenges to achieve his dream, and what finer, truer metaphor could there possibly be for the human condition? Filled with adventure, excitement, romance, humour and horror, this excellent book will no doubt delight some of the people who read it. Since I am the only person who has read it though, here is a pull quote from Anthony Burgess about Ulysses: "Everybody knows now that [it] is the greatest novel of the twentieth century" Again, that quote is about Ulysses, not Vampire Umpire. But only because Vampire Umpire is the greatest novel of the twenty first century.

Author : Charles Keller
Publisher : Sterling Publishing Company, Inc.
ISBN 13 : 9781402723735
Total Pages : 104 pages
Book Rating : 4.33/5 ( download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Download or read book Best Joke Book Ever written by Charles Keller and published by Sterling Publishing Company, Inc.. This book was released on 2006 with total page 104 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Watch out--more than 600 of the world's funniest jokes and most hilarious cartoons are about to attack your funny bone--and you won't be able to stop giggling! Who could resist these?Judge: I thought I told you I didn't want to see you in my court again.Prisoner: I told the policeman, but he didn't believe me. First friend: They say you become what you eat.Second friend: Let's order something rich. Doctor, I feel funny today--what should I do?Become a comedian. These jokes are sure to be tops with class clowns everywhere.

Author : Ken Kaiser
Publisher : Macmillan
ISBN 13 : 9780312997106
Total Pages : 292 pages
Book Rating : 4.08/5 ( download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Download or read book Planet of the Umps written by Ken Kaiser and published by Macmillan. This book was released on 2004-04-19 with total page 292 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In this hysterical autobiography, Major League Baseball umpire Ken Kaiser brings to life his twenty-five years on the baseball diamond.

Author : Editors of Portable Press
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1645175030
Total Pages : 203 pages
Book Rating : 4.32/5 ( download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Download or read book The Biggest, Funniest, Wackiest, Grossest Joke Book Ever! written by Editors of Portable Press and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2020-09-01 with total page 203 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Your friends and family will be laughing—and groaning—each time you send one of these zingers their way! Every kid’s joke-abulary will skyrocket with The Biggest, Funniest, Wackiest, Grossest Joke Book Ever! We’ve combined our four best-selling joke books into this special hardcover collection, and added some new jokes too! Hundreds of knock-knock jokes, one-liners, puns, and other groaners make this a must-have for any aspiring class clown. Family jokes, animal jokes, and gross-out jokes for every occasion are waiting for you in this book of silliness!