Rubber Balls And Liquor

Author : Gilbert Gottfried
Publisher : Macmillan + ORM
ISBN 13 : 1429978562
Total Pages : 285 pages
Book Rating : 4.69/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Rubber Balls and Liquor written by Gilbert Gottfried and published by Macmillan + ORM. This book was released on 2011-04-26 with total page 285 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Nobody ever reads this part of the book. Somebody at the publishing house explained to me that it's actually called the book flap. That sounded dirty, so I giggled for three hours. But it says in my contract that I have to write something over here in this tiny space, even though I don't think anyone will notice. Some people might open up to the middle of the book and start flipping through pages, but nobody will read this part. In fact, I'll bet anything that you're not reading this part now. And if it turns out that you are . . . well, the guy in the bookstore is probably staring at you, saying, "Stop reading that book!" I guess there's a reason bookstores are going out of business, left and right. Cheap fucks like you think it's okay to stand in the aisles and read to your heart's content. So for the sake of bookstores everywhere, buy this fucking book. I myself don't care. I only care about the poor working man. Oh, and the sanctity of the written word. I care about that, too. And in my case, those written words, of course, include fuck, dick, and pussy. In the early 1970s, as our nation's youth railed against every conceivable societal norm, a funny-looking teenage Jew started turning up at open mike nights in various New York City comedy clubs. Surprisingly, he didn't suck. That funny-looking teenage Jew is now the even funnier-looking middle-aged comedian Gilbert Gottfried, who despite his transparent shortcomings has managed to carve out a hardly-respectable career—and a reputation for shock and awe unrivaled outside the Bush administration. With this scathingly funny book of rants and musings, Gottfried sullies an entirely new medium with his dysfunctional worldview. HILARIOUS HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE: • Gut-wrenching stories from his bizarre childhood • A list of celebrities Gilbert would like to have sex with • A somewhat shorter list of celebrities who would like to have sex with Gilbert • An even shorter list of Gilbert's comely co-stars who have been forced to have sex with him on- screen • Side-splitting tales of the worst gigs he's ever performed • Incredibly awkward encounters with famous people from Gilbert's years as a celebrity (of sorts), including Harrison Ford, Keifer Sutherland, Hugh Hefner and one wildly offensive exchange with Marlee Matlin that left the actress speechless • Signature takes on timeless jokes, presented in a clip‘n save format so humorless readers can commit them to memory or tear them from the book's spine and carry them around in their wallets to amuse their friends • The story behind Gilbert's infamous retelling of the classic "Aristocrats" routine that defined the most recent phase of his career • And much more!

Author : Rachel Kushner
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1982157690
Total Pages : 272 pages
Book Rating : 4.92/5 ( download)

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Download or read book The Hard Crowd written by Rachel Kushner and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2021-04-06 with total page 272 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A career-spanning anthology of essays on politics and culture by the best-selling author of The Flamethrowers includes entries discussing a Palestinian refugee camp, an illegal Baja Peninsula motorcycle race, and the 1970s Fiat factory wildcat strikes.

Author : John Brandon
Publisher : Grove Press
ISBN 13 : 9780802144362
Total Pages : 276 pages
Book Rating : 4.65/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Arkansas written by John Brandon and published by Grove Press. This book was released on 2009 with total page 276 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Kyle and Swin spend their nights crisscrossing the South with illicit goods, making shifty deals in dingy trailers, and taking vague orders from a boss they've never met. Soon their lazy peace is shattered with a shot: night blends into day filled with dead bodies, crooked superiors, and suspicious associates. It's on-the-job training, with no time for slow learning, bad judgment, or foul luck.

Author : Tracy Guzeman
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1451689780
Total Pages : 320 pages
Book Rating : 4.85/5 ( download)

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Download or read book The Gravity of Birds written by Tracy Guzeman and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2013-08-06 with total page 320 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A debut novel already destined to be a book club favorite. “With its deft interweaving of psychological complexity and riveting narrative momentum, with its gorgeous prose and poetic justice, The Gravity of Birds is about sibling rivalry, tragedies, and resurrections. And it’s irresistibly exquisite” (San Francisco Chronicle). Forty-four years after the brilliant young painter, Thomas Bayber, first meets Alice and Natalie Kessler, Bayber unveils a never-before-seen work, Kessler Sisters—a provocative painting depicting the young Thomas, Alice, and Natalie. Bayber asks Dennis Finch, an art history professor, and Stephen Jameson, an eccentric young art authenticator, to sell the painting. But their task becomes more complicated when the artist requires that they first locate Alice and Natalie, who seem to have disappeared. Told in alternating chapters that weave revelations about the sisters’ past with clues Finch and Jameson discover in the present, this story sets three characters on a collision course with their histories, showing how families tear themselves apart and then try to bind themselves together again, not always creating the same fabric. The Gravity of Birds “combines the drama of warring sisters, the mystery of a missing painting, and the sorrow of lost love into a haunting elegy that will…leave you breathless” (Tiffany Baker, author of The Little Giant of Aberdeen County).

Author : Matt de la Peña
Publisher : Delacorte Press
ISBN 13 : 0375891188
Total Pages : 258 pages
Book Rating : 4.82/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Mexican WhiteBoy written by Matt de la Peña and published by Delacorte Press. This book was released on 2008-08-12 with total page 258 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Newbery Award-winning and New York Times bestselling author Matt de la Peña's Mexican WhiteBoy is a story of friendship, acceptance, and the struggle to find your identity in a world of definitions. Danny's tall and skinny. Even though he’s not built, his arms are long enough to give his pitch a power so fierce any college scout would sign him on the spot. Ninety-five mile an hour fastball, but the boy’s not even on a team. Every time he gets up on the mound he loses it. But at his private school, they don’t expect much else from him. Danny’ s brown. Half-Mexican brown. And growing up in San Diego that close to the border means everyone else knows exactly who he is before he even opens his mouth. Before they find out he can’t speak Spanish, and before they realize his mom has blond hair and blue eyes, they’ve got him pegged. But it works the other way too. And Danny’s convinced it’s his whiteness that sent his father back to Mexico. That’s why he’s spending the summer with his dad’s family. Only, to find himself, he may just have to face the demons he refuses to see--the demons that are right in front of his face. And open up to a friendship he never saw coming. Matt de la Peña's critically acclaimed novel is an intimate and moving story that offers hope to those who least expect it. "[A] first-rate exploration of self-identity."-SLJ "Unique in its gritty realism and honest portrayal of the complexities of life for inner-city teens...De la Peña poignantly conveys the message that, despite obstacles, you must believe in yourself and shape your own future."-The Horn Book Magazine "The baseball scenes...sizzle like Danny's fastball...Danny's struggle to find his place will speak strongly to all teens, but especially to those of mixed race."-Booklist "De la Peña blends sports and street together in a satisfying search for personal identity."-Kirkus Reviews "Mexican WhiteBoy...shows that no matter what obstacles you face, you can still reach your dreams with a positive attitude. This is more than a book about a baseball player--this is a book about life."-Curtis Granderson, New York Mets outfielder An ALA-YALSA Top Ten Best Book for Young Adults A Junior Library Guild Selection

Author : Kathleen Kent
Publisher : Mulholland Books
ISBN 13 : 0316311065
Total Pages : 260 pages
Book Rating : 4.69/5 ( download)

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Download or read book The Dime written by Kathleen Kent and published by Mulholland Books. This book was released on 2017-02-14 with total page 260 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Brooklyn's toughest female detective takes on Dallas in this "violent, sexy, and completely absorbing" Edgar Award nominee, the first novel in the acclaimed Betty Rhyzyhk series (Kirkus Reviews). Dallas, Texas is not for the faint of heart. Good thing for Betty Rhyzyk she's from a family of take-no-prisoners Brooklyn police detectives. But her Big Apple wisdom will only get her so far when she relocates to The Big D, where Mexican drug cartels and cult leaders, deadbeat skells and society wives all battle for sunbaked turf. Betty is as tough as the best of them, but she's deeply shaken when her first investigation goes sideways. Battling a group of unruly subordinates, a persistent stalker, a formidable criminal organization, and an unsupportive girlfriend, the unbreakable Detective Betty Rhyzyk may be reaching her limit. Combining the colorful pyrotechnics of Breaking Bad with the best of the gritty crime genre, The Dime is Kathleen Kent's brilliant mystery debut and the launch of a sensational new series. "Only a fan blowing in the right direction could flip the pages of this lightning-paced tale any faster." --Minneapolis Star Tribune

Author : Will Self
Publisher : Grove/Atlantic, Inc.
ISBN 13 : 0802193374
Total Pages : 416 pages
Book Rating : 4.77/5 ( download)

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Download or read book How the Dead Live written by Will Self and published by Grove/Atlantic, Inc.. This book was released on 2012-10-16 with total page 416 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Will Self possesses one of the greatest literary imaginations of any writer working today. How the Dead Live is his most extraordinary book yet—a novel that will challenge, entertain, and truly astonish. Lily Bloom is an aging American transplanted to England who has lost her battle with cancer and lies wasting away at the Royal Ear Hospital. As her two daughters—lumpy Charlotte, who runs a hugely successful chain of stationery stores called Waste of Paper, and beautiful Natasha, a junkie—buzz around her and the nurses pump her full of morphine, Lily slides in and out of the present, taking us on a surreal, opinionated trip through the stages of a lifetime of lust and rage. A career girl in the 1940s, a sexed-up, tippling adulteress in the 1950s and ‘60s, a divorced PR flak in the 1970s and ‘80s, Lily presents us with a portrait of America and England over sixty years of riotous and unreal change. And then it’s over: Lily catches a cab with the aboriginal wizard Phar Lap Jones, her guide to the shockingly banal world of the dead. It’s a world that is surreal but familiar, where she again works in PR and rediscovers how great smoking is, where her cohabitants include Rude Boy, the son who died at age nine and now swears a blue streak, and three eyeless, murmuring wraiths, the Fats—composed of the pounds, literally the whole selves, she lost and gained over her lifetime. As Lily settles into her nonexistence, the most difficult challenge for this staunchly difficult woman is how to understand that she’s dead, and how to leave the rest behind. How the Dead Live is an unforgettable portrait of the human condition, the struggle with life and with death. It’s a novel that will disturb and provoke, the work, in the words of one British reviewer, “of a novelist writing at the height of his powers.”

Author : Daniel Suarez
Publisher : Penguin
ISBN 13 : 0451469445
Total Pages : 530 pages
Book Rating : 4.41/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Influx written by Daniel Suarez and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2015-02-03 with total page 530 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: New York Times bestselling author Daniel Suarez imagines a chilling future where technological advances are held hostage by the government in this thriller that perfectly blends “nail-biting suspense with accessible science” (Publishers Weekly). Physicist Jon Grady and his team have discovered a device that can reflect gravity—a triumph that will revolutionize the field of physics and change the future. But instead of acclaim, Grady’s lab is locked down by a covert organization known as the Bureau of Technology Control. The bureau’s mission: suppress the truth of sudden technological progress and prevent the social upheaval it would trigger. Because the future is already here. And it’s rewards are only for a select few. When Grady refuses to join the BTC, he’s thrown into a nightmarish high-tech prison housing other doomed rebel intellects. Now, as the only hope to usher humanity out of its artificial dark age, Grady and his fellow prisoners must try to expose the secrets of an unimaginable enemy—one that wields a technological advantage half a century in the making.

Author : Stephen King
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1501141171
Total Pages : 608 pages
Book Rating : 4.71/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Different Seasons written by Stephen King and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2016-01-01 with total page 608 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Includes the stories “The Body” and “Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption”—set in the fictional town of Castle Rock, Maine A “hypnotic” (The New York Times Book Review) collection of four novellas—including the inspirations behind the films Stand By Me and The Shawshank Redemption—from Stephen King, bound together by the changing of seasons, each taking on the theme of a journey with strikingly different tones and characters. This gripping collection begins with “Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption,” in which an unjustly imprisoned convict seeks a strange and startling revenge—the basis for the Best Picture Academy Award-nominee The Shawshank Redemption. Next is “Apt Pupil,” the inspiration for the film of the same name about top high school student Todd Bowden and his obsession with the dark and deadly past of an older man in town. In “The Body,” four rambunctious young boys plunge through the façade of a small town and come face-to-face with life, death, and intimations of their own mortality. This novella became the movie Stand By Me. Finally, a disgraced woman is determined to triumph over death in “The Breathing Method.” “The wondrous readability of his work, as well as the instant sense of communication with his characters, are what make Stephen King the consummate storyteller that he is,” hailed the Houston Chronicle about Different Seasons.

Author : Allen Hemberger
Publisher :
ISBN 13 : 9781733008815
Total Pages : pages
Book Rating : 4.10/5 ( download)

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Download or read book Zero written by Allen Hemberger and published by . This book was released on 2020-05 with total page pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: